Are you someone who wants to be surrounded with the right people who add value to you, bring out the best in you, help you in your journey, and lead each other to success?
I've been there.
“You cannot change the people around you. But you can change the people that you choose to be around.” – Unknown
It's important that we surround ourselves with the right people in our lives for it will reflect who we are, what we stand for, and who we want to become. As the proverb in the bible says, "He who walks [as a companion] with wise men will be wise, But the companions of [conceited, dull-witted] fools [are fools themselves and] will experience harm." (Proverbs 13:20 AMP). This is also powerfully phrased in another translation as "If you want to grow in wisdom, spend time with the wise. Walk with the wicked and you’ll eventually become just like them." In other words, you become like the people you spend time with. Your circle matters. Who do you want to become? If your circle does not resonate with who you are and who you want to become, it's time to rethink about changing your circle and the people you surround yourself with. Here are the signs to look out for...
Am I In the Right Circle?
Your circle matters. If your circle shows any of these warning signs, it might be time to change your circle. Here are 5 signs to look out for:
Sign #1: They Tolerate Wrong Behaviors.
They don’t correct you. They tolerate you when you’re wrong. They engage in wrong behaviors themselves, and they encourage you to be more accepting of those behaviors.
When you engage in wrong behaviors and your friends tolerate you or leave you be, allowing you to justify your behaviors without feeling guilt, it's time to rethink about changing your circle. Some people might want to stick around because they like the feeling of being accepted no matter what they do and no matter the consequences. Some people might want to stick around because their actions are justified and recognized as acceptable, encouraged by the people around them. No one likes the feeling of being ashamed and guilt-ridden when they are corrected or called out, they'd prefer the comfort they get from being tolerated and justified. That's why most of the people I know who engage in wrong behaviors likely have friends who tolerate them and often engage in such behaviors as well. As what the adage says, "Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are." Even if you don't engage in wrong behaviors yourself, but people in your circle do and they are okay with that, people will associate you by your associations. And it might only be a matter of time before you adopt their behaviors and be accepting of such behaviors because of your friends encouraging you and justifying these behaviors as acceptable.
Correction hurts momentarily, but it saves you from a life-long hurt and regret. If your friends correct you, it's not in their intention to hurt you and make you feel bad about yourself. It only means that they love you and care for you enough to go out of their way to lead you into the right path. It means that they care for your well-being and for your future, helping you avoid the negative consequences that come with your actions and decisions.
If your friends show this warning sign, it might be time to change your circle.
“You’re a product of your environment, surround yourself with the best.” – Unknown
Sign #2: They Don’t Align with Your Principles and Values.
They have attitudes and beliefs that don’t resonate with you. They practice wrong values that prioritize harm, negativity or selfishness at the expense of others that produce negative consequences. They have principles rooted in greed or manipulation.
You may not share the same values and principles as your friends, but as the proverb says, “bad company corrupts good character.” Even if you live out good and godly values or principles in your life that are contrary to your friends', as I said previously, people will associate you by your associations. If you can't influence them, they will influence you. It's important to surround yourself with like-minded people who share the same values, principles, passion, vision, and character as you. Personally, would you enjoy spending time with people doing things that are contrary to what you stand for? It's questionable for a person to advocate against animal cruelty while being part of a circle who is cruel to animals.
Your good moral principles and values will lose its very essence and value when you allow what's contrary. There's no point in associating yourself with people that don't align with your principles and values. As what the quote says, "What you permit, you promote. What you allow, you encourage. What you condone, you own."
If your friends show this warning sign, it might be time to change your circle.
“Your vibe attracts your tribe, and your tribe helps you thrive.” – Unknown
Sign #3: They Lead You Away from Your Purpose.
They are a negative influence in your life, pulling you away from your goals, vision, and focus. They encourage you to engage in activities that have no lasting value or substance, and only distracts you from what truly matters. They pressure you to conform to behaviors that don’t align with your values and principles just to fit in or belong.
You have an important purpose in this life, and that purpose is far too important to waste. When your circle encourages you to do things that have no lasting significance, value, or substance, or when they distract you with fleeting pleasures from the things that truly matter, or perhaps when they become a negative influence in your life, it means that your circle does not recognize your purpose and value in this life. Rather than recognizing your God-given purpose and potential, helping you reach your goals, be invested and encouraging you towards your vision, and leading you to success towards fulfilling your purpose, they recognize you as an accessory, affect your focus and distract you away from your goals, thereby making you lose track of your purpose and waste your life on things that don't matter, and even lead you to your own destruction.
If your friends show this warning sign, it might be time to change your circle.
“Peer pressure is a great thing when it helps you accomplish your goals instead of distracting you from them.” – Po Bronson
Sign #4: They Don’t Have Your Best Interests at Heart.
They don’t celebrate your successes. They dismiss or ridicule your goals and vision. Some may pull you down when you succeed. When you’re down, they pull you down even further. Some may only be there in your successes, but they don’t stick around in your failures. They make you feel small and overlook your potential, thereby hindering your growth.
When your circle competes with you or sabotages you rather than celebrating your successes, bringing you down or stepping on you to get ahead rather than helping each other up, taking advantage of you in your victories and not offering support in your failures, ridiculing your seemingly far-fetched goals and vision rather than encouraging you, overlooking your gift and potential and projecting that they're better than you rather than being humble enough to learn from each other, then maybe it's time to change your circle. These people will stunt your growth, affect your well-being, distort your self-image and esteem, and eventually affect your future.
Everyone is your friend when they can benefit from your success. But you'll determine the real ones when they stick around in your failures, encourage you, and help you get back up rather than bringing you down with them or ridiculing you in your failures.
If your friends show this warning sign, it might be time to change your circle.
“Surround yourself with those who won’t compete but will revel in your success and see your ascent as a reflection of their own possibilities.” – T.D. Jakes
Sign #5: They Radiate Negativity.
They gossip and backstab others. They are complainers and whiners. They are pessimistic, always focusing on the negative and always have something negative to say. They don’t motivate you to reach higher goals but keep you stagnant or bring you down by instilling fear, insecurity, and negativity.
When your circle radiates negativity; when they gossip about other people and backstab others rather than uplifting and encouraging others, when they complain about problems rather than finding solutions, when they focus on what went wrong rather than what can be improved, when they always whine and point fingers rather than taking accountability and taking action, or when they always speak negativity as though a self-fulfilling prophecy rather than speaking life and positivity, it might be time to change your circle. These people will drain your energy, limit your potential for growth and success, affect how you see yourself and others, affects interpersonal and interprofessional relationships, creates conflict and strife, destroys trust, stain reputations, and can also distort your outlook in life.
Negativity is contagious and dangerous. This does not only hinder growth and limit potential, but this kills dreams and visions. It fosters an environment that is toxic and destroys relationships and self-perception. Eventually, this affects your future. The people you surround yourself with has a profound impact on your mindset, outlook, and overall success. When you surround yourself with positive people and people that embody values and principles that resonate with your purpose, you set yourself up for growth and success.
If your friends show this warning sign, it might be time to change your circle.
“Surround yourself with people who talk about visions and ideas, not other people.” – Unknown
There will be many who will walk with you in certain seasons of your life. But there will be a select few that will tread currents with you, climb your mountains with you, swim deep depths with you, fight your giants with you, run with you, never leave you behind, and were there from the very start, through every season. These people might not always make you happy; these people may hurt you with the truth, these people may hurt you with correction, these people may not tickle your ears for you to hear what you want to hear, these people may not coddle you just to make you happy or feel good about yourself, but these people are the real ones that truly love and care for you and wants the best for you.
Know your circle. Choose the right people to surround yourself with. Your circle matters!
May this blog post remind us to surround ourselves with the right people for it reflects who we are, what we stand for, and who we become. Do share your heart and thoughts in the comments. See you on the next blog post!
Sending love,
Coleene.
Read the previous blog post: The Value of Integrity: Why Doing the Right Thing Matters.
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