Are you someone who is going through tough times in life but hesitant to ask for help? Maybe someone who doesn't want to be a burden to others or perhaps someone who feels they can manage on their own?
I've been there.
"Help is not a burden; it is a gift that we give each other." — Unknown
We need people in our journey. We cannot do it alone. Sometimes, we have to acknowledge that we are only human. We are limited and we cannot always figure it out or manage on our own. We have to understand that there are people that are divinely placed in our lives to help us in our journey and in whatever season we may be in. When we are sick, there are doctors and other healthcare professionals we can ask help from to manage our physical or mental health. When we need help with legal matters, there are lawyers and government officials we can come to. When we need to learn or be trained about a subject, there are teachers, coaches, and mentors for whatever we may need. In life, when we go through tough times, there are certain people alongside us that love and care for us, want the best for us, and are in our lives for a reason that can help us. However, there is nothing much anyone can do we don't allow them to. Sometimes, we need help and all we need to do is ask. And that is okay. Often times, when people go through challenging situations, they would choose to go through it alone—maybe in the fear of being a burden to people, fear of being ridiculed or rejected, fear of admitting mistakes or missteps, fear of being vulnerable, or in their pride of the position they are in that they want to prove a point—rather than asking for help. Asking for help not always as simple as it sounds, but we are not designed to live in this life alone. It's okay to ask for help. And here's why...
Why is It Okay to Ask for Help?
Here are some reasons why it's okay to ask for help or seek support when you need it:
Reason #1: It's okay because we are only human.
We are only human. Even in the vastness of possibilities and God-given potential that are untapped inside of our brain and in all its faculties, our physical bodies have limitations. We are capable to think and do things that are inexplicably extraordinary. We all have different gifts and abilities that we are purposed to do on this earth. We all have different strengths. But we also have our physical limitations, weaknesses, and varied mental or emotional capacities. It’s normal and an innate part of our humanness. We are not superhuman, we are not robots, and we certainly are not machines.
Often times, we tend not to ask for help thinking we can do it all because we know we have certain gifts, abilities, skills, and are in a certain position or standing in life that makes it seem like we can manage on our own. For instance, most people who are renowned in their field of work are more hesitant to ask for help from a colleague in the same field in the fear of being ridiculed or judged, and pride in themselves that they want to prove themselves to others. On the other hand, all families have their own fair share of struggles in their daily lives, but from personal experiences and stories I heard from others, parents usually have that sense of pride in front of their children that they always want to put out a strong facade even when they are going through tough times. They always make it seem they know what they’re doing and that they can manage. Although it may not always be pride, and it might be from the best of intentions, but when you are in a certain position, you feel like you don’t get to ask help.
“You’re a parent, you need to figure it out on your own.”
“You come a rich family, you can’t ask help from others.”
“You are a mental health professional, you can’t be depressed.”
“You’re a leader, you don’t need to ask help from anyone else.”
Even certain material things have limits—they get worn out, they wear and tear over time, they age—and it’s normal. How much more us humans. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and not only acknowledge our potential, our strengths, our gifts and abilities, but also acknowledge our weaknesses and limitations. Not from a standpoint of being timid or being a wimp, but from a standpoint of being kind to ourselves—knowing when to rest, when to ask help when needed, and being more efficient in maximizing what we could do in our lives—and acknowledging the potential and gift of others.
"We all need help at times, and it’s okay to ask for it. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human." — Lori Deschene
Reason #2: It's okay because it is not a sign of weakness.
One of the reasons why people refuse to ask for help is that they are afraid it would be deemed as a sign weakness. We need to understand that asking for help is a sign of strength, courage, and humanness. It takes strength and courage to let go of pride, our position or standing in life, fear, and to ask help when we need it. It shows that we strong enough to admit when we cannot do things alone and that we need other people, strong enough to admit that we are limited in our abilities and that there are other people that more capable to help us, strong enough to admit when we are wrong and that we need a fresh perspective from others, and strong enough to be vulnerable and humble.
Some people may be raised in a culture where independence and self-reliance are not only valued in a person, but rather the norm and what's expected of them. To ask for help would make one a failure or a disappointment. Some people may have the fear of being ridiculed or judged of being incapable, incompetent, or inadequate that prevents them from seeking help. Some people may have a strong sense of pride in themselves that they fear being diminished of who they are and how people perceive them when they ask for help. Some people may feel like a burden to others that they fear what others may think of them. Some people may have a fear of being vulnerable in a sense that they fear people knowing too much about them and how it may change how others perceive them.
But we must understand that even in the best of our intentions and even we thinking we’re doing ourselves a favor when we don’t ask for help and do it ourselves, more often than not, it does more harm than good—it does more damage than actually helping our situation. Asking for help is not something to be ashamed of. It shows true strength and courage in vulnerability.
"It takes courage to ask for help and even more strength to accept it." — Unknown
Reason #3: It's okay because it does not devalue you or change who you are.
Asking for help doesn’t make you less of who you are as a person, as a parent, as a professional, as a leader, or wherever you may be in life. In fact, it allows you to become the bigger person that whatever situation or position you may be in life, you are humble to admit you need help and strong enough to ask for help when you need it. Asking for help does not change who you are, does not diminish who you are, and does not make you any less—your character, your value, your gift, your purpose, and your future.
Here are some stories of people that we can learn from:
Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps struggled with mental health issues, including depression and anxiety, despite his remarkable success in the pool. He eventually sought help through therapy and support groups, which played a crucial role in his recovery. Phelps' story highlights that even the most successful individuals need help sometimes, and it doesn't change their accomplishments or who they are.
J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, faced significant struggles before she became a household name. As a single mother living on welfare, she battled depression and financial struggles. She sought help from friends and welfare programs, and this support allowed her to focus on her writing. Her story illustrates that asking for help doesn't diminish one's worth or value; rather, it can be a crucial step toward achieving greatness.
Before Dwayne Johnson became a successful actor and professional wrestler, he faced countless challenges. As a young man, his family dealt with eviction and financial difficulties. Johnson reached out to mentors and friends in the wrestling community, seeking guidance and support. This assistance helped him navigate through tough times and build a successful career. His journey shows that asking for help can foster personal and professional growth.
Albert Einstein was one of greatest minds in history, but his story is not without its struggles and challenges. Developing the General Theory of Relativity was a monumental task that required significant help and collaboration. Despite his brilliance, Einstein worked closely with mathematician Marcel Grossmann. Without Grossmann’s expertise in non-Euclidean geometry, Einstein might have struggled to formulate his theories accurately. This shows that even the greatest minds need help and support from others. His collaborations, friendships, and the intellectual community played vital roles in his achievements, illustrating that seeking help and working with others are essential components of success.
We all have gone through tough times, made mistakes, had missteps, and encountered certain instances in our life that we can't always manage on our own. We need people around us that seek the best in our lives, have our best interests at heart, believe in us, support us, don't tolerate our wrongs but correct us in love to help us be better versions of ourselves, encourage and empower us when we need it most, and even the people who pray for us. We are not sufficient on our own. Whatever we have ever acquired here on earth is something we could never take credit for. Even the breath we breathe and the life we live here on earth is a gift from God. Waking up another day is nothing short of a miracle each day. That goes to show that you could be the richest person on earth, have the highest net worth, have multiple properties and material possessions, but when you get terminally sick and hang on to your dear life, no amount of money can buy you another life to live.
We need God in our life and when we ask for help, it shows that we are humble enough to admit that we are not self-sufficient and that we are limited on our own. Though we are limited, it doesn't make us any less of who we are. It doesn't change who we are and our value. And as humans, we are social beings. We are not designed to be alone. We need one another in this journey.
"Asking for help does not diminish your value; it enhances your ability to achieve your goals." — Unknown
Reason #4: It's okay because it allows others to do what they are called to do.
We are not perfect—we don't know it all, we can't do it all. But I believe that God uses people that He has divinely placed in our lives to help us in our journey. There are people in our lives with a divine call and a gift from above for a purpose and reason. When we are hesitant to allow people to help us because of fear, pride, or even the best of intentions, often times, it also means that we are hindering them from doing what they are called or purposed to do.
Allow people to be a blessing to you. You are blessed by God to be a blessing to others. And you may be someone who is always on the giving end rather than the receiving end—you put others first than yourself, you always lend a hand when needed, you encourage people even when you need encouragement yourself, you help others more than you want to be helped. What you give out, comes back to you. God will bless you and your genuine heart as you bless others. But now, allow people to give, help, and bless you that they may be blessed the way you are. There are things that people are gifted in that you're not, just as you have a gift that other people don't have as well. Sometimes, we need help and that's okay. Together, we complement one another and fill in the gaps that are needed to be filled.
I used to be a person who rarely asks for help for the reason that I really don't like being a burden to others, that I'd rather go through things alone, and I used to have hard time trusting people enough to be vulnerable, fearing that they won't understand me and might change their perception of me. There was a time in my life where I struggled with the load from all my schoolwork, ministry in church, problems within my family, and it was taking a toll on my physical and mental health. It was hard to put a facade that everything was okay and that I was still on top of things, but I was clearly on my tipping point. This only resulted in me burning out, my mental health declined that it also affected my physical health, and overall, it just didn't help my situation—I was unproductive, inefficient, ineffective, and missed opportunities for my growth. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping it to myself and not being a burden to anyone. When we refuse to ask for help when we need it can lead to these negative outcomes, but it can make you hinder others from being who they're called to be; it overlooks their potential and their gift, it hinders them from being blessed to be a blessing to others, and it hinders them from their growth. Asking for help and helping others can both be a learning experience that facilitates our growth. It shows a willingness to learn, grow, and collaborate with others, ultimately leading to better outcomes and personal development.
“Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.” — Ric Ocasek
If you're reading this blog post and you feel like you're someone who needs help in any way or form, I want you to know that it's okay; you're not a burden, you're not weak, you're not a failure or a disappointment. In fact, you're strong and courageous to even admit you need help and ask when you need it. If you're here and you think you know someone who needs help, let's be compassionate and empathetic to know that people may be going through all of these things and struggles with asking for help, and let us help them. Together, we can make a difference! You are not alone.
May this blog post empower and encourage you wherever you may be in life. You are valuable and you have a purpose. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. Do share your heart and thoughts in the comments. See you on the next blog post!
Sending love,
Coleene.
Read the previous blog post: Ideas, Planning, and Execution: Principles to Successfully Execute Your Ideas Through Strategic Planning
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