Are you someone who struggles with insecurities and feels inadequate in certain aspects of your life? Or perhaps someone who feels like they’re not good enough?
I’ve been there.
"It's insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams.”
– Anonymous
Insecurity is often times a silent struggle that one goes through, a battle within themselves, and some of these insecurities in life may be linked to our past experiences, mistreatment from others, unrealistic pressures and standards of society, or even our upbringing, social status, current state in life, fear of embarrassment or judgement, self-doubt, our perceived flaws, or our own perception of our self-image. It’s inevitable for one to have these insecurities especially when societal norms put a lot of pressure on how one must look, act, or have in life. Additionally, being surrounded by other people who fit these standards set by society somehow triggers fears, feeling of inadequacy, feeling of not being good enough, self-consciousness, and doubting oneself and one’s abilities or competence that leads to negative impacts on our emotional, mental, and social well-being.
Through time, there are countless societal standards and cultural norms that have been placed on people. For instance, society had unrealistically set beauty standards, especially for women, that to be called ‘beautiful’, one has to be of certain color, weight, height, proportions, and facial features. In the academe, if you don’t excel with awards and recognition, if you’re not a degree holder, if you flunked classes or if you’re a dropout, you are not intelligent, you are a failure, and therefore won’t be successful. Often times, these unrealistic expectations of society and cultural norms warp how we perceive ourselves—our self-image, self-esteem, and self-concept and hinder us from unlocking our full potential. We all have different stories, different struggles, different weaknesses, but also different strengths. How do you see yourself?
How Do I Overcome Insecurity?
Overcoming insecurities is often times a silent struggle, but it's a journey that we can all walk through and come out of victoriously to make the most out of our lives, unlocking our full potential. Learn how to navigate life through your journey towards overcoming insecurity:
1. Know Who You Are.
I went through life in my own bubble, not wanting any attention, always looking down on myself, and seeing less of who I am. Although I knew I had gifts, I always thought to myself that I wasn't good enough. I had an extremely low sense of self, which may be linked to my past experiences, mistreatment from others, expectations from people, and pressures of the future. I didn't know who I was then and what I was capable of. I kept looking at other people's lives, the things they have achieved, their gifts and talents, and all the things I didn't have but want to have. It wasn't from a place of envy, but from a place of insecurity. This has hindered me from unleashing my potential earlier in life. Often times, we try to see ourselves for who we are not and focus on the things that we cannot do, things we don’t have, and other people who do. In doing so, we devalue ourselves thinking we’re not beautiful, we’re not good enough, or we’re a failure in life because of who we are not.
However, we have to understand that each and every one of us is uniquely handcrafted by God with different gifts and strengths that is unique to each one of us. God is our Creator and we are His creation. Imagine an artist making an art piece—each of his pieces are a unique masterpiece. And that is you. To be insecure is valid, and it sure can happen to anyone. We may all feel some level of insecurity at different times and seasons in our lives. But truthfully speaking, to look down on ourselves, doubt our gifts and abilities, and feel like we’re not beautiful or good enough holds no truth at all and seems as though we’re insulting our Creator, who made us beautifully in His image and likeness, as His workmanship and masterpiece. We all have unique qualities, gifts, and strengths for a specific God-given purpose and destiny that we are called to do. There is beauty in all our flaws and imperfections that are perfectly designed in our lives. We are all beautiful in our own way that we somehow fail to see when we focus on our flaws. We all have different gifts that we’re good at that somehow gets unnoticed when we focus on what we can’t do. No one is perfect and no one can have it all.
Know who you are—you are beautiful, you are important, you have a unique gift that you are made to do, you have weaknesses but you also have different strengths that are unique to you, you have a purpose in life. Believe this in your heart. It may not seem like it, you may feel like you’re physically unattractive, you may feel like you are not good at anything, and that you are up to no good—but these are lies that stem from insecurity, from unrealistic standards and expectations, ideals and perceptions, that are placed on us by society and which we embraced in ourselves that can destroy our mental and emotional well-being. The knowledge of who we are, rooted in who we are made and purposed to be by our Creator, is an important truth we have to possess to eliminate room for insecurity. If you don’t have an opinion for yourself, someone will give you one. But if we know who we are and our purpose, we can be firm and secure in that identity.
"The greatest discovery in life is self-discovery. Until you find yourself, you will always be someone else. Become yourself." – Myles Munroe
2. Embrace Who You Are.
It's one thing to know who you are and a whole other thing to embrace it. There was a time in my life where I have accepted who I am and who I was made to be—knowing who God is as my Creator, and knowing who I am as His creation, my God-given purpose, my gifts, and who I could become. But in those times, I didn't fully embrace it yet. I knew I had a gift in the music and in the arts as a writer, but I didn't fully embrace it. I knew I had the gift, but I still didn't think I was good enough and that who I was wasn't enough for what I was made to be. I knew that I was made beautifully by God, but there were still times where I looked in the mirror and felt that I'm not. I knew that I was intelligent, but with shortcomings in my academics, I still felt like a failure and a disappointment. Who I knew I was and was made to be didn't seem to resonate with who I was at that moment in time, and it didn't seem to make sense to me.
We have to learn to embrace who we are and who we are made to be. There will always be people who will be better than us. There will always be people with different gifts that we don't have and that are unique to them and their own call. Our own unique selves and our worth cannot be measured by our competence, the recognition we get from others, our physical appearance, validation and opinions of others, and our own flaws or failures. We all have a unique story that only we can tell. Who we are isn't determined by any extrinsic forces. It is intrinsic to us, and it is a gradual process that we can learn to embrace. Life is a journey and it's all part of the process. In the same way, overcoming insecurity is a journey and it doesn't happen overnight. But there is a process of knowing who we are and truly embracing it.
To embrace who we are means that we become more identity-oriented than outcome-oriented. It becomes a process that shifts from what you want to do or have in life to who are and who you want to become. As soon as I started to embrace my identity and purpose, it allowed me to truly be happy where I am and be secure in that truth. It didn't matter if I went through setbacks and failures, it didn't matter if other people think otherwise, it didn't matter when societal standards and cultural norms with its unrealistic ideals and concepts put pressure on me. What matters is my own unique journey of who I am and who I can become, rooted in who I was made to be.
"When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible." – Tina Lifford
3. Be Who You Are.
In knowing and embracing who we are in life, it's important that we stray away from comparisons and competitions and that we truly just be who we are, as we are. We don't need compliments, recognition, and approval or applause of people. Surely, we don't need to be in competition with others, trying to be above everyone else, in comparison with others, looking down on ourselves, or even wasting our time trying to be someone else. As quoted by John Mason, “You were born to be an original. Don’t die a copy.” When we try to be like someone else, the best we could be is second. We have to focus on our own growth and journey, in the gift that we uniquely have, and our God-given purpose and destiny.
Often times, we know who we are, embracing that truth and who we could become, but we need to truly be who we are and be confident in it. Just be yourself. We don't to be pretentious to look good in front of others. We don't have to prove anything to anyone. Though it's difficult sometimes when people compare you to others or expect too much from you that you feel like you constantly have to seek their approval or their validation, that you feel like you constantly have to prove yourself to gain their acceptance or recognition. We don't need validation from other people. We don't need to do things for acceptance. What man gives, man can take away. Settle for God's validation of who you are and who He made you to be, or you will need from people what they are not capable of giving you. In turn, you will get disappointed, your sense of self will depend on the opinion of others, and you will live a defeated life.
The standards of society and cultural norms will always try to put pressure on us. It might not always be on our side; it be against our true genuine self, it may try to make us something we're not, it might try to discourage us and put us down. However, once you know and embrace who you truly are, only then can we confidently be who we are and what we're made to be. Only then we turn a deaf ear to the voices that try to diminish our sense of self. Only then can we overcome insecurity and shine in the uniqueness of who we are. There is only one 'you' in the face of the earth. You are special! Be confident in who you are. Just be you.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are all unique. A person who is insecure has something to prove. But a person who is secure has got nothing to prove. Know who you are, embrace who you are and be who you are and what you're made to be. This journey of overcoming your insecurity is a tough, yet life-changing process. Don't listen to what the people have to say. Listen to what God says about you and who He has made you to be. You are who God says you are! There is so much ahead of you that you can become. Don't allow insecurity to hinder you from unlocking your full potential.
May what you learned today encourage you in your journey, fighting unseen battles and overcoming silent struggles. You are not alone and certainly, you are so much more than you think. Do share your heart and thoughts in the comments and I would like to hear your stories as well. See you on the next blog post!
Sending love,
Coleene.
Read the previous blog post: Who’s Your Next: The Importance of Training Others and Duplicating Yourself
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